Making Love Just by Ellison Marvin M

Author:Ellison, Marvin M.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: love
Publisher: Fortress Press
Published: 2012-08-20T04:00:00+00:00

Truth telling is the first step

Telling the truth about these matters requires acknowledging that while intimate violence affects individuals, it is a societal problem. The root of the problem is social injustice and the ideologies of race, gender, class, and sexual supremacy that sustain it. In a white racist, class-stratified, and patriarchal social order, some groups have historically claimed entitlement to exercise power as control over other groups while those with less power are obligated, by force if necessary, to show deference and serve the interests of those “above them.” Violence and threats of violence maintain an unjust and complexly multilayered power structure by means of enforcing compliance and punishing dissent. In a hierarchical social system that grants prerogatives to white over black and other persons of color, male over female, rich over poor, able-bodied over the disabled, and Christian over non-Christian, violence is used as a mode of social control. Intimate violence is social oppression writ small within interpersonal relationships.

Whatever we have come to understand about the dynamics of coercion, abuse, and sexualized violence between intimates, about the personal and social costs incurred, and about appropriate interventions and prevention strategies, we have come to understand because of the moral wisdom and collective savvy of the survivors of such violence. While facing enormous pressure to “keep the secret,” not “break up the family,” and avoid “bringing shame and dishonor” to their communities, 9 survivors of rape, domestic abuse, and other forms of intimate violence have courageously come forward, shared their stories of victimization and resilience, developed a wide range of practical resources to aid other victims and their families, and created a grassroots social change movement in the hope of helping others avoid the pain and suffering they have been forced to endure. What do we learn by taking their witness seriously?

First, we learn that intimate violence is commonplace. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence provides some sobering statistics: in terms of adults, one in four women experiences domestic abuse during her lifetime; 85 percent of victims of intimate violence are adult women; and one in six women and one in thirty-three men have experienced rape, either attempted or completed. Moreover, forced sex or sexual assault occurs in approximately 45 percent of battering relationships. 10 In terms of children and youth, the Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault reports that in the United States, more than half (54 percent) of females who have been raped experienced this assault before the age of eighteen. One of every seven victims of sexual assault is under the age of six; one in four victims under the age of twelve is a boy. Among college women, about one in seven have been forced to have sex in a dating relationship. Moreover, the United States has the highest rate of rape among countries that maintain such statistics, thirteen times higher than Great Britain and twenty times higher than Japan. 11 In a survey of college men, 51 percent reported that they “would rape if they could get away with it.

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